I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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