I think my fart just growled at me.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
