Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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