Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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