my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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