I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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