My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
