I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
