dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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