Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
