yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
