Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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