i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
