How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
