eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
