Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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