the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
