I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
