I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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