im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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