Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
