He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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