Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
