I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
