Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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