is your mom at the bar?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize