Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
