This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
