Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
