i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
