either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize