do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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