Need sex. Gaining weight.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
