The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
