This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
