its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
