R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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