I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
