Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
