Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
