So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
