You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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