All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
