he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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