i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
