yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
