I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize