Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
