People in love make me want to vomit
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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