im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
