and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
