Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
