It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
