my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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