well I can't set my house on fire every night
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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