I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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