carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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