I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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