I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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