Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
false alarm, still single
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize