um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I touched a dick in church today
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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