I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
