he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
