its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
