My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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