Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize