she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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