just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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