you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
