I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
