I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
