K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
